you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
