Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
