White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
