I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
