whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
