oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
