people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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