Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
