So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
