All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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