Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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