I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
