Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
