This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
