all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
