I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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