I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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