I want to have your abortion
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
