I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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