from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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