Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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