Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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