just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
