Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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