I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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