Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
