oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
