Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
