If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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