If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
