An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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