Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
