So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
