I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
