I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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