yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
