Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
