Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
