I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
