i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
