Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Vodka?
Forever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
