Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
