I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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