The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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