he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
