I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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