i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
