So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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