So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
