I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
