Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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