sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
