you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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