No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
