I love black thongs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
